One rainy night in Austin, Texas during the South by South West festival in 2015, I watched the audience from a sheltered area while waiting for a show.

In the crowd, a young woman took numerous selfies, illuminated by the stage and auditorium lights, one after the other, until she got the shot she wanted.

Prior to that moment, I’d always been disdainful of selfies, looking on them as superficial, but I saw that young woman’s photography as her saying, “I am here,” and wanting to see herself in her best light. Good for her, I thought.

That vignette made me think back to my attendance at that same festival the year before. In an on-stage interview, the actress Tilda Swinton talked of how her family had painted portraits of themselves hanging in their grand home. She said that the sight made her used to seeing herself “in the frame.”

These two festival memories stayed with me when I decided to use my newly acquired lighting equipment to take self portraits. I’d been uncomfortable with this: the time taken to set up a shot of oneself felt indulgent, but I had wanted to take portraits and understand how to light them; in this current pandemic, who better to experiment with other than one’s self?

I’ve been using one light so far: Rembrandt lighting from 45 degrees up and to the side; and from a height at a 70 degree angle. I take the photos on a timed exposure of ten seconds, giving me enough time to pose after setting up the picture. (I may buy a long cable release for this purpose.)

I’m learning, slowly. Good focus takes some effort. I definitely hope to use what I’ve learned with other sitters. I am nowhere near a portrait “style”. But it’s very interesting to sit for a portrait and see myself in the frame, especially as a black person, interpreting and representing what I look like in a photograph. I am here.